Double Epiphany

I find it odd how I always think I have much to say, but my mind is blank when I sit down to type.

Basic status update is that I’m doing fine in the School of Infantry Specialists, if  ignore my itchy back and weird knee caps.

In camp, I sometimes feel that I would be better off being at home, doing something productive, like writing, drawing, tidying my room, etc.

Then I realise, I don’t do all those things regularly anyway. When I book out, I spend too much time on websites like Facebook, playing fun, but ultimately time-wasting games.

That’s when I had my first epiphany. On the cusp of adulthood, it’s time I started thinking about what I want to do with my life. I have about 5 years before my scripted youth of NS and University comes to an end, and I will be at the point where I will have to know where I want to go next.

The question is, do I know where I want to go next? And why I want to go there?

God must still figure in the complex equation that is my life. And for me to even have an inkling of God’s plan for me, that will mean regular, dedicated, time with Him, and a lot of questioning. And that will need commitment.

The second epiphany came from my realisation that I’m a passive person, who doesn’t like to rub people the wrong way, and not taking up a stand for the things I believe in, but simply keeping quiet. Then the epiphany hit me: it’s only people who act who will influence and make change. And to be active in changing people, in changing the world, in evangelising, in helping people understand why you have faith in an invisible God, in gently rebuking the wayward Christian, is something I cannot be afraid to do. Inevitably, I will offend people, especially if the way I express myself is untactful or undiplomatic. But in the end, after I refine my interpersonal skills, there will still be those who oppose you simply because they don’t like you.

So, the conclusion of both epiphanies, is that I must begin doing. The productive hours of my life have been spent reading and learning,. Very rarely have I tried to make a difference in places where I would like to have made a difference, and very often my attempts to build the ladders to reach my castles in the clouds are half-hearted. I have not started writing any manuscripts for any short stories or novels, or actively followed tutorials online to refine my drawing. Many things I try to do, I don’t make the effort to push myself beyond the current limit I find myself in.

So, I must begin taking steps to realise my dreams and goals. So, before I embark on my journey, I must chart the route.

In the third, most exciting decade of my life,

What do I want to do?

What do I want to be?

What do I want to achieve?

This are questions I will be pondering, simmering in the back of my mind as I continue to train as a soldier capable of defending my nation.

I saw this quote in Pasir Ris MRT station that I would like to share:

“There is a calmness to a life lived in Gratitude, a quiet joy.

-Ralph H. Blum


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