I am reaching a point where I am starting to realise I can no longer inhabit Neverland anymore.
I’ve always been reluctant to embrace the challenges of adulthood. When I entered the 17th year of my existence, frankly, I was quite surprised to be there. Somehow I had never fully detailed out my plan for adulthood. Sure, I had always asked myself the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” when deciding what subjects to take in school, so thankfully I still haven’t derailed off my preferred track. But I never look more than two years ahead of my life. Which reminds me of my approach to Chinese chess, where I play cleverly but only thinking a couple of steps ahead.
But as I become a 1-year soldier and also have to face the prospect of university next year, it has been dawning on me that this world is so big and crazy, and I haven’t developed the mental acuity required to compute it all.
I don’t know if all of this sounds abstract and ridiculous to you, but like a lot of things I’ve tried lately, it seems my mind has forgotten how to do the things I used to be good at, like writing coherently for instance.
If this isn’t a sure sign of aging, I don’t know what is.
I think I should sleep early, and maybe read a bit of Ringworld.